Football Club apologise wholeheartedly for improper Queen blunder

Otherwise wholesome grassroots soccer team Streatham Rovers were tricked into saying something outrageous about HRH The Queen over their public address system

Bazake PR

4/7/2022 1 min read

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

London, ENG: Today Streatham Rovers Football Club have issued a forthright and comprehensive apology following an incident at a football match on Wednesday evening where they mistakenly made a declaration about the sex life of HRH Queen Elizabeth II over the public address system at their Greyhound Lane stadium.

Hoaxers, suspected to be fans of historic rivals Dynamo Catford Football Club, convinced Streatham's stadium announce Gerry Leaner to announce that a car had been parked illegally outside one of the stadium's emergency exits and had to be removed immediately. The tricksters informed Mr. Leaner that it was a red Fiat Panda with the registration number QE11RIP belonging to a Mr. Dirk Weenlyke-Stoothuck.

It was only this morning when officials at the South London club realised that Dirk Weenlyke-Stoothuck was a hoax name designed to sound like a declaration that Her Majesty enjoys the act of physical romantic congress.

However, Mr Leaner said the name "on repeated occasions" during the Xtermin8 Rat Poison Football League Premier Division match against Fulking Athletic Football Club.

Spencer Carlyle, the Streatham Rovers Club Committee Chairman, explained: "We've been totally stitched up. We apologise unreservedly to everyone who heard this announcement - not just in the ground but local residents and passers-by too. Speculation about the Queen's bedroom habits absolutely does not represent the views or ethos of Streatham Rovers. I give you my 100% Spencer Carlyle Guarantee about that."

To help draw a line under the matter, the Club have forced Mr. Leaner to hand himself into Mitcham Police Station where he is currently being questioned.