World Gone Bongo: Housing Crisis? The Under 50s Simply Can’t Budget

I am always eager to hear what Britain’s aristocracy think of the issues that affect the young and the poor, which is why I read The Sunday Times. A bastion of sensible thought, it is always informative, but especially so last week owing to an article by the comment monger and landlord supremo Kristie “The Talent” Allsopp. Certainly, there have been times when she and I have disagreed, but I found myself agreeing with her nicely articulated view that the housing crisis is not, as some believe, caused by lack of affordable housing; rather, it is the result of young people being frivolous with their money and being overly picky about where it is they want to live.

Now, by young people I of course mean the under 50s—those impulsive shopaholics who throw away their money on expensive Brit Box subscriptions, Stormby LPs, Corbyn paraphernalia, and Smartphones for doing TikToks and looking at weird pornography. A friend of mine, a QC and big wheel on Twitter.com, reliably informs me that, for a sick kick, some of these youngsters throw condoms full of warm seamen at unsuspecting pensioners. So what I want to know is why they’re partaking in this filthy activity (apparently called “Sex Bomb”) when they should be saving up money to buy a house? I suppose I could ask one of them, but I’m sure they would only reply as they usually do: “Eff off, boomer!” “Do one, granddad!” “I’m going to Pol Pot you!”

Times haven’t so much changed as people have. In the late-1970s, I bought my first house with a tuppence piece, which I earned myself working hard at a Surrey radio station. That my father owned this station is of little importance in the grand scheme of things: the thing that matters is that I put in hours of hard graft making tea for legendary DJs such as Preston Martin, Baz Spendleton, and Ronald Lee Fountain. That my ex-wife and her lover, a plumber, Steve, who pathetically resembles Paul Hollywood, now live in this house detracts not from the point I am making. Simply put: young people need to spend less time doing wheelies on their Delieveroo bicycles, or lazing about on the comfortable call centre chairs, and more time saving for the future.